


Under Pressure

by scarletmanuka



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode Related, Episode: s02e14 Grace Under Pressure, Established Relationship, Getting Back Together, Jealousy, M/M, Semi-breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:41:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25157917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletmanuka/pseuds/scarletmanuka
Summary: Blonde, buxom, and brilliant - how on earth could John Sheppard compete with that?Set after Grace Under Pressure. John gets jealous that in his time of need, Rodney hallucinated Sam Carter and not himself.
Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Comments: 10
Kudos: 109





	Under Pressure

“Hey, doc, how’s he holding up?” John asked, peeking into the rear of the infirmary where Rodney was lying in bed.

“Oh, he’ll make a full recovery, Colonel, of that I’m sure,” Carson assured him. “I’m going to keep him overnight to monitor him but so far all of our tests show that he’s narrowly avoided any hypothermia and you rose slowly enough that he also escaped Decompression Sickness.”

John felt queasy in his gut. “That was a close call,” he admitted. “The jumper’s shield was draining our power so fast that it was touch and go that we’d even make the surface at all.”

Carson gave him an assuring pat on the arm. “No point in worrying about the ‘what ifs’, Colonel. He’ll be fine.” He gave him a knowing look. “Do you want to see him? I’m allowing visitors now.”

John felt himself flush and wished, not for the first time, that Carson didn't oversee the distribution of ‘personal use’ items from the infirmary’s stores. Mild mannered and polite he may be, but the doc was also as sharp as a tack and when both John and Rodney began returning for more and more supplies of condoms and lube, it didn’t take him long to put two and two together and figure out that they were an item. John suspected that the way he hovered like a mother hen whenever Rodney was injured didn't help his cause any either. 

“If that’s okay,” he said, aiming for cool but knowing that he probably came across as indigested instead.

“Of course, lad. I gave him a light sedative but that’ll be wearing off any time soon. He’ll be pleased to see you when he wakes.”

“Okay, cheers, doc.” John crossed to where Rodney was and pulled a chair up close. His eyes lingered on the nasty cut on his forehead that had been shut with medical grade glue and covered with a light dressing, and the bruising that was beginning to spread from the injury. Otherwise Rodney was pale, with dark circles under his eyes, and hooked up to various monitors and machines. “You don’t do things by halves, do you, buddy?” John said softly and, with a quick glance over his shoulder to ensure that no one was looking, he twined their fingers together briefly. 

Teyla and Ronon were still on the mainland, getting the Athosians settled back in after the evacuation because of the whole ‘Cadwell having a snake in his head’ fiasco and Elizabeth was debriefing with Lorne from his last mission so there was no one to keep John company but he didn’t mind the silence all that much. It wasn’t much longer anyway until Rodney began to stir and John sat up a little straighter, preparing to tease and distract his lover from the inevitable guilt that he’d be feeling over Griffin’s death. He reached out and took hold of Rodney’s hand once more, stroking his thumb over the back of his knuckles. Rodney’s eyes were still closed but he smiled a little, just one side of his mouth lifting up but seeing it made John’s heart skip a beat.

The words out of Rodney’s mouth made his heart freeze.

“Sam? You’re still here?” he croaked.

John opened his mouth to speak but he wasn’t entirely sure what to say. It snapped shut and he just stared at Rodney instead. 

“Knew you wouldn't abandon me,” Rodney murmured, and his hand squeezed John’s.

John cleared his throat and Rodney’s eyes fluttered open then settled on John. He looked confused for just a moment and then he broke out into one of his genuine smiles, the one that he reserved almost solely for his lover. “John, hi.”

“Hey yourself,” John replied, his immediate fear that Rodney was suffering from some sort of amnesia dissipating since he recognised John. “How you feeling?”

Rodney shrugged and winced a little, then reached up to feel the bandage on his head. “My head feels like it’s about to split open but otherwise I think I’m okay given that I almost died. Again.”

“That’s good to hear. You know where you are?”

Rodney gave him a withering look that said quite clearly that John was an idiot for even asking and drawled, “The Atlantis Infirmary is pretty unique, I hardly think I could forget it.”

“Yeah well, I thought I’d better ask since you thought I was Sam at first.” He tried to say it as lightly as possible, knowing that Rodney had suffered a head injury and there was no reason to get upset over it, but it came out quite strained.

For some reason, Rodney’s eyes darted around the infirmary. “I did?” he asked.

“Yeah, you did,” John said with a frown, glancing over his shoulder. The expedition was still quite small, even with the replacement staff from the Deadalus, and John knew for a fact that they had no one by the name of Sam on Atlantis. Samuel Watterson, an Australian Air Force corporal from the Commonwealth ranks was the only person with a name anywhere close to Sam but he went almost exclusively by Watto and John was fairly certain that Rodney hadn’t been calling out _his_ name. No, if he had to bet on it, he’d put his money on Rodney’s long time crush, Samantha Carter. The question remained, _why_ would he be speaking to her as if she was in the room?

Rodney opened his mouth to explain but Carson bustled in and he snapped his jaw shut with an audible click. 

“Rodney, you’re awake! Let’s take your vitals, shall we?”

oOoOo

By the time Carson had finished, Zelenka dropped by and Rodney demanded to know exactly what steps he’d taken to turn the cloak into a shield. Then Elizabeth came by, followed by Miko after that, bearing a block of chocolate that she handed over shyly, and then one of the nurses was back to take even more observations before wheeling over a table with a meal for Rodney’s dinner. After he’d eaten, Rodney became drowsy and John couldn’t bear to disturb him by questioning him again, so he snuck off to get some food for himself before returning during the hustle and bustle of the shift change so he could sneak in undetected to spend the night by Rodney’s side. Doctor Biro rolled her eyes when she came by to take Rodney’s blood pressure once again but instead of shooing him out, she simply fetched a blanket and dropped it on John’s lap before disappearing to check in on her other patients.

The chairs in the infirmary were never comfortable to sleep on but John had some practice at it and he soon drifted off, the exhaustion of the rescue mission catching up on him. He was roused from sleep some undetermined time later by Rodney thrashing around on the bed, clearly in the midst of a nightmare. John pushed the blanket off his lap and leaned over the bed, putting his hands on Rodney’s arms and squeezing him. “Hey, buddy, wake up, it’s just a nightmare.”

“No, don’t eat me,” Rodney mumbled, “I’m not canned tuna.”

John snorted but even that didn't wake Rodney so he tried again, saying, “Come on, Rodney, wake up for me. I’m here for you, I’m not gonna let anyone eat you on my watch. You’re safe here.” Rodney seemed to calm a little at these words so John repeated, “You’re safe, I’m here, I’ve got you.”

“Don’t leave me,” Rodney whispered, and John tightened his grip.

“I’m not leaving you, Rodney, you know you can’t get rid of me that easily. Now come on, wake up, I got you, you’re safe with me.”

“Sam, please,” Rodney murmured and once again, John felt a cold chill seep through him.

Pushing it aside for now, focusing on bringing Rodney’s distress to an end, he shook him a little, causing him to jolt awake.

“John!” Rodney cried, his hands coming up to grasp John’s forearms.

“Looks like you were having a bad dream,” he said.

“I was, I think,” Rodney said, breathing hard. “I’m pretty sure there was a whale with really big teeth and there was lots of blood. _My_ blood.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s a shark that you’re describing since whales don’t have teeth.”

“Baleen whales don’t but _toothed_ whales do,” Rodney corrected him in his ‘I’m right and you’re horribly wrong’ voice that normally got John all hot and bothered. “It’s right there in the name.”

“Well I’m not sure if our whale has teeth,” John told him with a roll of his eyes.

“How do you know? Did you see him open his mouth? It was shut when he swam over us as we walked to the other jumper.”

John sighed. “No, I didn't see him with his mouth open, but that doesn't prove that he has teeth either.”

“Of course it doesn’t!” Rodney exclaimed. “We don’t have enough data to prove one way or the other as yet which is to say that it’s very possible that he _does_ have teeth and he _could_ have snapped me up in one bite!”

Keeping his expression as deadpan as possible, John asked, “He? How could you tell that it was a boy whale?”

Rodney spluttered and John smirked just as Biro poked her head out of her office. “Do you two mind?” she hissed. “If you wake my other patients, there will be hell to pay!”

They quietened down but Rodney didn't seem to be able to go back to sleep. Keeping his voice as low as possible, John asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what?” Rodney asked, but he crossed his arms and looked away and John knew that he knew exactly what he was asking.

“It must have been pretty scary,” he prompted.

“Of _course_ it was scary,” Rodney snapped. “I’m not all heroic like you and Ronon are and I was facing certain death.”

“You have more courage than you give yourself credit for, Rodney.” John sat back in his chair and tilted it backwards, placing his socked feet on the bed next to Rodney’s elbow. He nudged him with his toes when the silence stretched out. “Come on, you can talk to me, you know that, right?”

Rodney exhaled loudly and then nodded. “It was horrible, okay. You know how bad my claustrophobia is. I didn't know if the jumper would survive the pressure and I didn't look forward to being crushed to death by an imploding space craft. Though that may be marginally better than suffocating or freezing to death.”

“You must have known that we’d not stop until we’d come up with a way to rescue you,” John said. He watched as Rodney looked away, unable to meet his gaze and he swallowed hard. “You doubted us? Doubted me?”

It took a long time for Rodney to answer. “Look, I had a head injury, I was in shock, I was trying not to freeze to death and when I hit the bottom of the ocean the jumper started filling with water. I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly, okay? Sam said that -”

He broke off abruptly and John removed his feet from the bed and tipped the chair back so all four legs were on the ground as he leaned forward. “Sam said?” he repeated.

Rodney looked horrified at his slip of the tongue. “Just ignore me,” he said, hurriedly, and waved around at the infirmary. “Look, I’m in hospital, clearly I’m sick and you can’t trust what I’m saying.”

John’s eyes narrowed and he said, “Rodney,” drawing it out so it was longer than usual.

Rodney looked nervous but eventually blurted, “I was having hallucinations while I was trapped!”

“Okay…” John paused, waiting for more information but it wasn’t forthcoming. “And Sam fits into this how?”

“It was her that I was hallucinating,” Rodney explained. “Look, I’m not crazy, okay. I know it sounds like I am but I’m not. It was just a very stressful situation that I was in and my brain conjured up the one person that I knew could help me.”

John tried to tell himself that that didn’t hurt but he’d be lying. To know that _he_ wasn’t the person that Rodney would turn to in a crisis, after everything they’d been through, was like a dagger to the heart. And not just any old dagger, but one of the serrated edged ones that Ronan kept for taking down Wraith in hand to hand combat. Yeah, he’d known about Rodney’s crush on Sam Carter since the very beginning, well before he’d ever had any romantic inkling for Rodney, but he was pretty sure that Rodney had gotten over that by the time they’d started sleeping together. Was that just a pretty lie he’d told himself? He’d thought that they were pretty serious but if Sam Carter walked through that door and threw herself at Rodney, would John be dumped faster than a bowl of Teyla’s Tuttle Root soup?

“I see,” John managed to croak, more for something to say than because he actually understood. “So what did this hallucination do exactly?”

“Well, she kept telling me that you guys would come for me, and she looked over the programing I was trying to do on the jumper, stuff like saving power and heating it. Um, she tried to talk me out of a plan I had to use the thrusters to propel the jumper through the water and -”

“Wait,” John said, “would that work?”

Rodney shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I have no idea if it would work with a non-damaged jumper with full power or not. My calculations made sense to me at the time and maybe it was just a lack of power that made it fail, but for all I know it was entirely delusional. Sam certainly thought so since she tried her best to talk me out of it and when that didn't work she got half naked and kissed me, but by then I was determined...John?”

John had choked on his own saliva and was pounding on his chest to avoid choking to death. His eyes were watering by the time he got his breath back enough to ask, “She was _naked?”_

Rodney waved off his concern. _“Half_ naked and it was a hallucination, remember? It’s not like she was real and I was actually cheating on you. Hey, wait a minute! You and Radek flew the rescue jumper under the water - how did it propel itself if not by the thrusters?”

John couldn't answer, couldn't for the life of him remember if the jumper had done anything differently when they’d submerged but Rodney babbled on, talking about thrust and propulsion and about talking to Zelenka as soon as he was released. John nodded every now and then or made a small sound of agreement but he wasn’t listening, not really. His mind was still stuck on the fact that not only had Rodney wished that it was Sam Carter with him in his dying moments and not John, but that he’d also fantasised about having sex with her. Rodney may be dismissive of the entire thing, claiming that it wasn’t _really_ cheating, but the pain in John’s heart felt _very_ real.

oOoOo

Rodney was released the following morning and he headed directly to his lab to pick Zelenka’s brain. John spent the day hiding out in his office, and didn't speak to anyone other than Lorne all day. Rodney hadn't attempted to contact him and John didn’t bother collecting him for lunch like he usually did, too queasy to try and eat. By the time he turned the light off in his office late that evening, he knew that he’d have to eat something and so he headed to the mess, safe in the knowledge that Rodney wouldn’t be having dinner this late at night anyway.

The mess was deserted and John helped himself to some leftover curry that was keeping warm in a bain marie but only managed to choke down a couple of mouthfuls. He bussed his tray and on heavy feet, headed back to his quarters, pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to sleep. His mind hadn’t stopped all day, whirring away, throwing up all sorts of scenarios involving Rodney and Sam Carter. 

Both John and Rodney identified as bisexual, just one more thing that they’d had in common, and yet while they were together, John hadn't missed being with a woman at all. It appeared that Rodney _did_ miss it, given that he was spending his moments in a near death situation making out with blonde Air Force colonels. Was this thing with John just a stop gap measure until a woman came along who wanted to be with him? Did he have any real feelings for John at all? Sure, they were best friends but was the sex just an added bonus or did he share those same, deeper emotions that John did? John supposed that he could simply _ask_ Rodney but neither were great at actually talking about their feelings and it wasn’t something they did. He figured that he’d be able to work out how Rodney felt now that he was aware of the whole Carter Hallucination and vowed to be more observant. Of course, maybe he was just really chicken shit because if he didn't ask, he wouldn’t know and then there was always hope, no matter how small it was.

He opened the door to his quarters and stopped dead when he saw the lump under his blankets. The door slid shut behind him and he thought the lights dimmer automatically, not wanting to wake Rodney, who was snoring quietly. Although they’d spent the occasional night together, it had been because they’d both fallen asleep after sex and not becase they’d planned it. John had never come back to his room before and found Rodney asleep in his bed. Yeah, he’d found him in his bed plenty of times, naked and hard, but this was new ground for them.

Suddenly exhausted from spending the previous night in an infirmary chair and not wanting to dwell on it anymore, John got changed into an old t-shirt and sleep pants and then pushed and shoved until Rodney had moved over to give him enough room to clamber into bed. He lay on his back, staring at the ceiling and his heart lurched as Rodney turned over and snuggled up to him.

Even with Rodney’s warm mass pressed against him, John’s mind did indeed keep him awake. He’d met Carter briefly when he’d returned to Earth after the Wraith attack but he’d not spoken to her long enough to really make a judgement for himself if she was everything that Rodney thought she was. He guessed it didn't really matter what _he_ thought though since to Rodney, she was God’s gift to snarky scientists. Blonde, buxom, and brilliant - was there really anyway that John could compete with that? He had to face facts and the fact of the matter was, he was convenient. There weren’t a lot of opportunities in Pegasus for long term relationships, given the depressing fact that the life expectancy here was much lower than back on Earth. So why would Rodney bother trying to make a relationship work with one of the women here on base when there was a perfectly good best friend that he enjoyed spending time with and who also happened to be attracted to him? Rodney got the best of both worlds - companionship and sex, whilst still being able to carry a torch for Carter.

John just had to decide what he was going to do. Did he break things off with Rodney and try and find someone who didn’t think of him as the consolation prize? His chest _burned_ at just thinking of losing Rodney, but his only other option was to continue doing what they were doing but with the knowledge that he was second best. Could he handle that without turning bitter and twisted? He wasn’t sure, but it seemed the better option than losing Rodney entirely, since he was pretty sure that if he broke things off with Rodney, their friendship would suffer too. At least Carter was in an entirely different galaxy to them so the chances of her stealing Rodney away from John were slim. It also reduced the chances of John punching her in her beautiful, stupid face if he had to see her again, which would be a one way trip out of the Air Force. Not that it was _her_ fault, but he couldn’t help but hate Sam Carter just a little bit.

Okay, a lot.

Right, so maybe he was more cut up about it than he thought because when Rodney snuffled against him and muttered, _“Sam,”_ John had no compunctions about shoving him off the bed where he landed with a loud _thud_. 

“Ow,” Rodney said in a groggy voice. “What happened?”

“Looks like you rolled out of bed, buddy,” John told him, then turned over the other way and feigned sleep. 

oOoOo

Things settled down for a while after that. Rodney acted much like he’d done before the whole fiasco, apart from the few days following the memorial service they held for Griffin where he was quiet and withdrawn. He came to John the night of the service, slipping silently into the room, and curling up against John’s chest. “I wonder if we’ll ever find his body?” he asked quietly.

They both knew how unlikely that would be but John said, “Maybe,” and then rolled Rodney over and fucked him, long and slow and passionately enough to distract them both.

When they were alone, Rodney still seemed to desire John as much as before, and when they were around others, he still snuck quick glances at John, followed by shy, amazed smiles when their eyes met, like he couldn’t quite believe his luck. Taken completely out of context, John would be forgiven for thinking that Rodney was absolutely head over heels for him, but then he’d enter the labs to find Rodney, Zelenka, and some of the other scientists discussing something or other that they’d heard about SG1’s exploits from the crew of the Deadalus and Rodney would then wax lyrical about Sam Carter’s brain and...other attributes. John would silently back out, not wanting to hear more.

After they’d found the pods with Phoebus and Thalen in them, Rodney avoided John for two days after it was all over and done with. John finally tracked him down and dragged him into an empty lab, ensuring that there was no one else around. “What the hell is your problem, Rodney?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m just still not over having to watch you kiss _Elizabeth!”_

“Are you serious right now? That wasn’t me and it wasn’t Elizabeth - it was Phoebus and Thalen!”

Rodney sniffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “That hardly makes a difference.”

John saw red. “Oh really? So how is that any different to you snogging Sam Carter in the back of a jumper?”

“Snogging?” Rodney repeated, derisively. “What are you? A twelve year old English schoolboy?”

“Really? _That’s_ what you’re taking out of that, my word choice?” 

“You know very well that Sam wasn’t _real._ Ergo, it doesn't count.”

John went very still and then asked quietly, “Did she _feel_ real?”

“Well, yes,” Rodney admitted, “it was a very realistic hallucination, but given that it was _my_ brain creating it, I’m really not surprised.”

“So, she felt real, real enough to kiss, and injured as you were, you were cognizant enough to still be yourself - so tell me, _how_ does that make it worse than having someone else’s consciousness use my body to kiss someone?”

Rodney opened his mouth and then closed it, looking perplexed. “I don’t know,” he finally admitted.

“Maybe,” John said, and he couldn’t keep the bitterness from his voice, “you’ll gain some sort of understanding into how _I_ feel everytime you cry out her name in your sleep!” He turned on his heel and stormed off, angry and upset and yes, a little bit heartbroken. Rodney had wormed his way in under John’s defences and he’d finally had to admit that he had fallen for his teammate. It was just his luck that as soon as he finally admitted that to himself, Rodney would go and break his heart.

oOoOo

Things were tense between them after that, but John couldn’t bring himself to actually _end_ things. It’s not like they were still sleeping together, and they didn't hang out either, so whatever it was between them was probably over but he’d not wanted to say the words. It made it just a little easier to think that they were just having a fight and that there was the possibility of them getting back together.

That hope died entirely when the Deadalus arrived several weeks later and one Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter walked into Elizabeth’s office for the meeting they held whenever Caldwell arrived. John watched with a sinking heart as Rodney stammered and tripped over his greeting to Carter, practically _gushing_ over her, and instead of the cold cordiality that she had greeted Rodney with when they were on Earth, her tone was much warmer now, even fond. 

“What are you doing here?” Rodney asked her when he could finally string a sentence together.

“I’ve been doing some research in residual energy from gate activations,” she said. “As we know, it takes an inordinate amount of power to create a stable wormhole, but once the connection is formed, it doesn’t require anywhere near as much that is being fed to the wormhole from the naquadah. The energy dissipates in other ways, a little from heat, but mostly it escapes from the wormhole into space, so it doesn’t overload the gate and cause an explosion.”

Rodney was beaming at her. “You’ve found a way to collect that surplus energy,” he crowed.

Carter grinned. “Bingo!”

“So what, like a giant battery pack?” Elizabeth asked.

Carter held out her hand and tilted it from side to side. “Kind of. A battery pack, no matter the size, could never hold this amount of power. I’ve actually modified a naquadah generator to store the energy, much like a battery does, but with the added benefit of already being in a format that you’ve already integrated with the Lantean systems.”

“That’s great and all, but I’m sure you’ve got more important things to be doing than installing a giant battery,” John said, unable to keep all of the animosity from his voice. He wasn’t being fair to Carter, he knew it wasn’t really her that he was angry with, but she made such a convenient target.

She looked slightly taken aback by his tone but shook it off and said, “You’re right, any of the science team here could install it, but I wanted to do some research on if the gates in different galaxies produce differing levels of excess energy.”

“You think the Pegasus gates may generate more?” Rodney asked.

Carter nodded. “The gates here are more advanced than back in the Milky Way, yet their function is much the same. I have a theory that more energy is wasted here, and if I’m right, we may be able to harness enough to help with your energy problems.”

“It’ll never amount to that of a ZPM though, will it?” John asked.

“Well, no,” Carter admitted, “but you won’t need to worry about depleting your naquadah generators since this is essentially a renewable resource.”

“This is wonderful,” Elizabeth said. “You’ve had a long journey though so why not take the day to settle in and begin working on it tomorrow?”

“Sounds good,” Carter replied with a smile. “I’m eager for a tour of the place. Daniel is so jealous that I’m here and he wants to hear all about it.”

“I can give you a tour,” Rodney offered, eagerly.

Carter gave him another of those fond smiles and said, “I’d like that, thanks, McKay.”

The meeting broke up and John was the first out the door, unable to watch another second of Rodney fawning over Carter. This was his worst nightmare. The small glimmer of hope that he’d had in knowing that the chances of Carter ever turning up in order to reciprocate Rodney’s feelings was gone. Carter was here and she didn't seem to hate Rodney at all. Whatever issue she’d had with him she seemed to have gotten over and with every smile, Rodney fell in love with her more and more. John couldn't bear to witness it and so he fled, first to his office, and then to the gym where Ronon beat the ever loving crap out of him.

“You’re distracted,” Ronon said as he pulled John to his feet for the tenth time.

John grunted.

“It’s the blonde chick?”

He grunted again.

“McKay likes you better than her,” Ronon said and John was too exhausted to even question how Ronon had figured out his feelings for Rodney.

They wiped their faces on towels and drank deeply from their water bottles, sitting in silence. Eventually Ronon stood and clapped John on the back, almost sending him face planting on the floor. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, Sheppard - except maybe your own stupidity. Don’t let him get away.” 

Then he was gone.

oOoOo

Ronon’s words stayed with John but he found it hard to even consider putting them into practice when he walked into the mess at dinner to find Rodney and Carter sitting at a small table, laughing and joking like they were the best of friends. Rodney had a look of utter adoration on his face and Carter didn’t look like she was wishing she were elsewhere and John suddenly didn't feel very hungry. He turned to go and heard Carter call, “Sheppard!”

He slunk over to the table and raised a brow in question.

“Would you like to join us?” she asked.

John gave a pointed look at the table - one of the small ones that seated two. “Doesn’t look like there’s room for me,” he drawled, then clapped Rodney on the shoulder, a little harder than he usually did. “You kids enjoy your date.” Then he was gone before either of them could protest.

He spent the evening getting roaring drunk on Zelenka’s moonshine and if he cried himself to sleep, well, no one needed to know that he was a morose drunk.

oOoOo

Their missions had been put on hold while Rodney was working with Carter on the device, so John kept himself occupied by going over duty rosters with Lorne and joining the training sessions with the new arrivals. He was taking them for a run along the south pier when an explosion rocked the city, throwing several marines to their asses. “What the fuck?” he muttered, then hit his earpiece. “Control, report!”

 _“Colonel Sheppard, there appears to have been an explosion in the science lab on the third level,”_ Chuck told him. _“Medical and rescue teams are on their way.”_

The science lab on the third level was Rodney’s. John began running, leaving the new recruits to find their own way back. He skidded into a transporter, annoyed to find that the transporter closest to the lab was unresponsive. He chose the next closest and then ran the rest of the way to the lab.

The hallway outside of the lab had partially collapsed and an engineering team was already shoring up the roof with supports. Lorne was there, along with Carson and John went directly to them. “What’s the status?” 

“Sir, all we know is that the explosion occurred in the lab itself, most likely to do with the device that Colonel Carter and Doctor McKay were working on. Everyone else was at lunch in the mess so they were the only two in the lab at the time. The life signs detector is showing two life signs but I have been unable to raise them on the radio.”

Zelenka had been nearby, taking readings and he turned with a worried expression. “I am picking up high levels of toxic gas inside the lab.”

“Toxic gas?” John asked. “From what?”

Zelenka shrugged. “It could be from a number of things, there were many different experiments in progress at time of explosion.”

“We need to get them out,” John stated.

“I’ve called for HAZMAT gear to be bought up,” Lorne said, “but we need to ensure it’s structurally sound before we send in an extraction team.”

“The gas levels are rising,” Zelenka said, looking at his tablet. “We only have minutes before it will not be survivable.”

Knowing they couldn't wait, John pulled off his shirt and tied it around his face in a makeshift mask and darted inside, ignoring the shouts from Lorne and Carson behind him. 

The lab was dark and misty from the gas but sparks emitting from crushed equipment gave off enough illumination that John could find his way around the twisted wreckage inside. He wondered if the gas would be explosive and if so, what levels it would need to get to to ignite, but figured they’d be dead from the toxins before that point. He needed to find them, _now._

The two life signs indicated that Rodney and Carter had some warning of the imminent explosion and had sought shelter, otherwise they would never have survived. John stumbled over to the far side of the lab where a heavy metal table had been turned on its side, the surface pitted with dents and craters from the explosion, and a chunk of metal embedded deeply on one side. John tried to keep his breathing shallow, but he couldn’t help but gasp when he saw the sight on the other side. 

Rodney lay on top of Carter, protecting her, and the back of his uniform had been melted off from the heat of the explosion, leaving raw, weeping skin beneath. The wound he’d sustained in the jumper crash had reopened and blood was dripping down his face. Carter looked relatively unharmed but they were both out cold. Fighting back a cough from the gas that was burning his throat, John bent down and hefted Rodney onto his shoulder in a fireman’s carry, staggering a little under his weight. He told himself that he was triaging - Rodney’s injuries were much more severe than Carter’s and he required medical attention first but John knew, deep down, that no matter what he’d found, he would have saved Rodney first. It wasn’t honourable and it wasn’ the right thing to do, but it was the man he loved and he would do anything for Rodney.

John made it out of the lab and almost dropped to his knees as Carson’s team took Rodney from him. His chest was burning and he couldn't seem to take a full breath, but he had to go back for Carter.

“Sir, the HAZMAT gear is nearly here!” Lorne cried as John staggered to his feet. 

He looked to Zelenka. “Can I afford to wait?”

The Czech shook his head. “Levels are approaching lethal.”

Without another word, John darted back into the lab, heading directly for where Carter was. She was stirring as he picked her up, and she began coughing as he hoisted her over his shoulder. She was all muscle and didn’t seem to weigh much less than Rodney, though that could have been the fatigue that John was feeling. The last few metres of the lab were a struggle but finally he stepped back into the corridor and thrust Carter at the waiting medical personnel. 

Then John collapsed and his world went dark.

oOoOo

The first thing John was aware of when he regained consciousness was that his chest ached. The second was the sound of Rodney ranting. As he worked up the energy to open his eyes, he began to pick up specific words and phrases.

“No idea _what_ you were thinking...imbecile!...could have been killed...self sacrificing martyr!...you stupid, stupid man...would have left me alone…”

“Rodney?” John croaked, his throat feeling like he’d eaten five Caroline Reaper chillies.

“John? You’re awake?”

John opened his eyes and looked over to his left to see Rodney in the next infirmary bed along. He was sitting up, propped up against several soft pillows. “Yeah, I’m awake.”

“Well, good!” Rodney snapped. “Because I have something to say to you, you stupid, self sacrificing idiot!”

John groaned and found the remote to raise the bed so he could see without straining his neck. “I think I got the gist,” he said.

“Oh, there’s several more volumes to come,” a voice said from John’s other side and he turned to see Carter in that bed, giving him a wry smile. “He’s been shouting at you ever since he woke up.”

“Oh, joy,” John retorted dryly.

Rodney began to struggle out of bed and John remembered the burns to his back. “Rodney, what are you doing? Get back in bed!”

“No,” Rodney said from between gritted teeth as he hobbled over to John’s bed, dragging his IV behind him. “I’m not waiting another minute to do what I should have done a long time ago. I honestly thought you were smarter than this, that you would have known but no, for once you’ve chosen not to use that brain that I _know_ you’ve got, so instead I’m going to have to do this!”

“Wha -”

Rodney was suddenly kissing him and as if it was an automatic response to Rodney, John kissed him back. A small part of his mind was screaming at him that they were outing themselves to Carter but the bigger part didn't care. In fact, the majority of his brain was overjoyed that Rodney was claiming John like this in front of Carter, since it was ample proof that of the two of them, Rodney was choosing John.

Breaking the kiss, Rodney pulled back and grabbed both of John’s cheeks, squeezing them. “You stupid, stupid man,” he said again. “Don’t you ever do anything like that again! You could have died and then where would I be without the man that I love?”

John blinked at that. He wanted to say, “You would have died instead if I hadn't come for you,” but what came out of his mouth instead was, “You love me?”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “Of course I do. Have you always been this stupid and I was just blinded by love, or is this a new development?”

John's eyes flickered over to Carter and then back to Rodney. “I think it’s a new development,” he said.

Rodney looked over at Carter and then snorted as he ducked in to kiss John again. “You have to know that there’s no choice, John. It’s you, it’s always going to be you.”

He blushed but couldn't look away.

Rodney seemed to realise that they had an audience and he looked back at Carter but this time in horror. “Oh no,” he said.

“It’s okay, McKay,” Carter said, grinning. “I didn't see or hear anything, and I’m definitely not asking anything either.”

“You promise?”

She mimed zipping her lips up. “Your secret is safe with me, you have my word.”

“Thanks, Sam,” Rodney said, and this time John could see that he was fond of Carter, but not in love with her. No, he was in love with John.

“I love you, too, you know,” he told him.

Rodney rolled his eyes again. “Of course I know, I think we’ve established that _you’re_ the daft one of us. Now, where was I? Oh yes, _what the hell were you thinking?”_

Rodney continued to rant at John over yet another incident of him putting his life in danger and John closed his eyes, a smile on his lips as he let the words wash over him. Rodney had chosen _him,_ not Carter, but _him!_ Rodney loved him. They were both in the infirmary, half of level three was destroyed, and he had no idea if the device to store excess power from the gate could be rebuilt but for now, he didn't care. He was in love and he was loved and that was all he needed.


End file.
